Nettie Cullen - Psychologist

I've been reading a bit about motherhood lately in preparation for the workshop I am presenting on bonding with your baby. There seems to be such a lot of discussion in magazines and other forms of media about how becoming a mother has such a huge impact on how we view ourselves, how we manage the demands and of course how well we cope with this all important role. I am convinced that the best preparation for motherhood - and fatherhood for that matter - is to be aware of what you bring into the relationship with your child.

Our past experiences affect us in ways that we can be completely unaware of. When we find ourselves feeling an unexpected troubling emotion or reacting in surprising way to somthing we have had to deal with, we can be stunned and wonder "my goodness where did that come from?!!" When things are beyond our conscious awareness it is difficult to change the emotion or behaviour.

Here's a quote from the May 2010 Mindfood magazine (see mindfood.com) article titled "Motherhood vs Me" :

So much parenting advice ... ignores the fact that it is the mother's state of consciousness that has a major impact on the child

and

Be aware of how you were mothered as this impacts on your own instincts. You may have been smothered, ignored, had overly strict parents, or been emotionally abused. When you become a mother, the challenges and tiredness can break down your usual resistance, and the old feelings from childhood can arise. It is better to take time out and get help than have these feelings affect your sellbeing and risk passing the issues along for your children to have to manage.