Positively happy

Michael McHugh, Editor-in-Chief of MiNDFOOD magazine, commenting on the article Proof Positive in the October edition of MiNDFOOD.

The key to a life well lived is being able to engage with both the good and the bad

I know that for myself as well as for my clients, finding a deep joy means also facing and coming to terms with deep pain.

More on why it is not selfish but responsible to attend to your own needs

This article in The Listener a few months ago was highlighting research that when parents have a good relationship, their baby is more likely to have good sleep paterns. I was intrigued by further research cited in the article:

... a group of parents of young children attended either a relationships course or a parenting course. Ten years on, the children whose parents had been through the relationships course had better behavioural and emotional outcomes - and did better at school - than the children of those who had been on the parenting course.

If you improve the dynamic between couples, you improve their ability to be good parents ... If a parent had good mental health, he or she will be more able to parent well.

When we are parents, we bring all of ourselves to that relationship. While it might seem like we can section off parts of ourselves and our experience, to really understand what is going on for a person we need to think holistically.

Read the article at http://www.listener.co.nz/issue/3658/columnists/15615/dream_team.html

I've been reading a bit about motherhood lately in preparation for the workshop I am presenting on bonding with your baby. There seems to be such a lot of discussion in magazines and other forms of media about how becoming a mother has such a huge impact on how we view ourselves, how we manage the demands and of course how well we cope with this all important role. I am convinced that the best preparation for motherhood - and fatherhood for that matter - is to be aware of what you bring into the relationship with your child.

Our past experiences affect us in ways that we can be completely unaware of. When we find ourselves feeling an unexpected troubling emotion or reacting in surprising way to somthing we have had to deal with, we can be stunned and wonder "my goodness where did that come from?!!" When things are beyond our conscious awareness it is difficult to change the emotion or behaviour.

Here's a quote from the May 2010 Mindfood magazine (see mindfood.com) article titled "Motherhood vs Me" :

So much parenting advice ... ignores the fact that it is the mother's state of consciousness that has a major impact on the child

and

Be aware of how you were mothered as this impacts on your own instincts. You may have been smothered, ignored, had overly strict parents, or been emotionally abused. When you become a mother, the challenges and tiredness can break down your usual resistance, and the old feelings from childhood can arise. It is better to take time out and get help than have these feelings affect your sellbeing and risk passing the issues along for your children to have to manage.